Terror of Uncertainty

So here we are. The final surgery is complete. It happened a bit over a week ago, but you can’t blame me for not posting. Sitting up was difficult after the surgery was over, but now I’m feeling rather chipper.
Monday, last week, they performed the surgery. I was put under, then awoke to a cacophony of light and sound. I think that’s how surgery always is. Waking up I found a metal-less leg and a few stitches on my side where a chunk of bone was extracted from my hip. Initially, the hip bothered me more, the first day with me unable to even sit up.
The next day, sitting up wasn’t so hard. Wednesday I was getting out of my bed and into my wheelchair. The effort was exhausting, and my left leg, the good leg mind you, would buckle if it was used at the wrong angle. Pain would shoot through my side and I’d collapse. By Thursday, I found the entire exercise much easier. By the weekend, I could do it without much effort. This week I’ve been working on my crutches. Presently, I can move just as fast and effortlessly as I could on crutches before the final surgery. The hip doesn’t bother me until after I sit back down after exercising. Even then, it is mild, like if you did too many sit-ups.
Of course, stamina is an issue. I can make it five laps around my ward and I’m winded. I could probably go a bit father, but without a goal, five laps seems like good exercise. I’ll continue to work on my stamina until my exodus from the hospital, which I’ve been told is Monday. If my wound looks clean and closed, they’ll removed the staples and I’ll be able to go out. My friend Ted is offering to help me out on Monday.
And that is where things get frighting. Talking to my old boss, I discovered I would be given no quarter. If I couldn’t work like I did before my injury, I can’t come back. Unfortunately, I can’t. Not yet. My stamina is low and I need to sit down often. I can’t walk without the aid of crutches either. And don’t be commenting about how I could sue her. I live in Korea, it doesn’t work that way. I also don’t want to force myself back into a job where my boss doesn’t want me. It is detrimental to everyone.
Unfortunately, my “plan b” as it were, has no space for me. The guy who offered me his couch is now not certain his roommates will allow it. This morning I started falling apart realizing I was leaving the hospital into a great void. No job, no home and living in a country that primarily speaks Korean. And the rainy season is beginning.
I still don’t know what is going to happen, but I have some new leads. A good friend of mine also has a job for me to the south, but I’d be living in the countryside. I’m more of a city person, but when it comes down to it, beggars can’t be choosers. All I know is that July will probably be the hardest month of an already exceedingly difficult year.

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~ by James on July 3, 2013.

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